The beast has reared its ugly head. It’s time to talk about the ten-letter word every military family dreads: deployment. Predeployment training will be soon upon us, followed up by predeployment leave. Then, the white buses will come and take away my husband. We’ve only been in our home here for just over four months. Our time at MCAGCC Twentynine Palms has flown by so far. I’m fully aware of how quickly the next few months will pass us by as well.
We’re making the most of our time together. Even so, I’m starting to feel the sadness creep in. Some nights when we’re watching Netflix, I’ll snuggle just a little closer because the voice inside my head reminds me I’ll be spending my evenings alone soon enough. Some mornings, I wake up next to him and try not to think about how cold his side of the bed will be in a few months. Most days I’m okay. I don’t think about it. Today is not one of those days.
Today, Kyle is at work. I’m in a quiet house, on a quiet street, on the quiet end of base. Milo is sleeping in the other room. Dinner is in the crockpot. The laundry is drying. I’ve already cleaned the floors and dusted. There’s nothing left to do but sit here and think about this deployment.
What will I put on my deployment bucket list? What care packages will I send? How many letters will I write? Should I go back home? If so, for how long? Where can I find a job? Will Kyle be able to call me? Will we be able to video chat? What will his homecoming be like? Should I order a banner? Should I make a big sign? Questions, upon questions, upon questions…I could go on forever.
So today I’m letting myself think about it and obsess over it. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I won’t be sad. For now, I’ll be on Pinterest working on my ‘Deployment’ and ‘Homecoming’ boards. Tomorrow I’ll be better.
Amanda Douet 