Pregnancy Post: 14 Weeks

Helloooooo second trimester! So blessed to have reached this point! Baby is the size of a lemon now. How crazy is that?! She weighs 1.5 ounces already, too. That little heart is ticking away in the high 140-low 150bpm range! At my checkup today Baby Douet was all the way over on the left side of my belly. 

Mama is craving chicken salad and sparkling water with lemon. At least it’s not cake, right? Still no weight gain. No new symptoms. I swear I’ve been feeling the baby move. Not kicks or anything really strong. More like quick flutters. It’s the best feeling! I can’t wait to feel him move everyday! Nausea is completely gone now. Fatigue is still lingering, although it could have something to do with me working two jobs. Still feeling great, though! Hopefully our good fortune continues! 

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~Secret~ Pregnancy Post: 12 Weeks

How have we hit 12 weeks already?! Time is going so quickly! I haven’t been to the doctor recently, so I don’t have a baby update. I’m scheduled to go in at 14 weeks for my next checkup. Today’s update is mostly just about how I’ve been feeling.

I’ve been feeling pretty good! Other than some fatigue, I’ve only had a few other minor symptoms. Recently I’ve been feeling as though I can’t take a deep enough breath. I won’t be doing anything to warrant feeling winded, but it’ll just feel like I can’t get enough air. So I take these huge breaths, which ends up making me yawn 24/7. I’ve also been feeling a pulling sensation in my lower abdomen/pelvis. After a little research, I’m fairly positive it’s my round ligament that I’m feeling. As baby grows, this ligament is being stretched in order to help maintain the position of my uterus. It’s not painful, just uncomfortable. If I sneeze, cough, laugh, or tense up my stomach in any way I can feel it. Really, as far as symptoms go I have been incredibly lucky. I am so, so grateful for that.

I caved and bought a pregnancy pillow. I always thought they were stupid. Why not just use a body pillow, right? WRONG. I’ve already started to get uncomfortable if I lay on my back for too long. I kept rolling over in the middle of the night, which means that uncomfortable pulling sensation would wake me up. No thanks. The pillow is awesome. It wraps from under my head, all along my back, and up between my legs. It keeps me on my side all night, which means the only time I wake up is to pee. I also bought an exercise ball. I have every intention of using it to help prepare me for labor and delivery. I’ve been finding different stretches and exercises that help make the process easier for mama. We haven’t bought anything for baby just yet. I think most of our purchases will probably be put on hold until I’m back out in California. I’m hoping to avoid transporting a million baby things across the country.

We have yet to formally announce our pregnancy. We both agreed we’d rather wait until my next checkup. After we hear the heartbeat one more time, then I think we’ll feel more secure. It’s hard to believe there’s a little human growing in there when I’m not really showing and my symptoms are so mild. I wish I could listen to the heartbeat every single day!

Well, that’s all for now! Tune back in at the 14 week mark for the next update! I can’t wait to share the news with everyone!

~Secret~ Pregnancy Post: 10 Weeks

We made it to 10 weeks! I had another doctor’s appointment to check on things so far. My weight, blood pressure, etc are all right on track. Baby’s heartbeat was 165bpm! I was surprised the doctor found it with the doppler – she had warned me that she usually can’t until closer to 12 weeks. Knowing we won’t get another look at the baby until 20 weeks is so frustrating! Until then, we’ll get to hear that little heartbeat at each checkup, though.

I haven’t had any crazy cravings, but they’ve mostly been for salty/savory things – like pasta salad or deviled eggs. Not together! I’ve been sleeping okay, too. My nausea and the tenderness I was feeling in my chest have gone away. My clothes are definitely clinging to my belly more than they used to, but I don’t quite have a real bump yet – just bloating. Actually, I haven’t gained any weight yet. I lost 4 pounds! My doctor didn’t seem concerned, so I’ll take it!

We’re working on telling our close family members in person when we get the chance to or by phone call if that’s not possible. Hopefully we’ll be able to get in touch with everyone before we do the big reveal. Until then, we’ll just keep praying this little baby keeps growing!

 

~Secret~ Pregnancy Post: 8 Weeks

 

Today we had our first ultrasound! Baby is measuring right on schedule with a strong heartbeat of 176 bpm! Seeing that little flicker on the screen was such an incredible relief. The ultrasound tech even switched the view to 3D. She rotated the image so we could really see how much space the baby had around his little body. Hard to imagine that this little life is only the size of a jelly bean! We were able to make out the head, body, arms, legs, yolk sac, and umbilical cord. I was in complete awe the entire time. How awesome is modern medicine?! After my appointment, I was even able to get in touch with Kyle and share the pictures and videos with him. Thank goodness for technology!

My symptoms haven’t changed very much. I still haven’t had any crazy carvings or aversions. My belly still looks the same to me – unless I happen to look at it at the end of the day, in which case it looks pretty darn bloated. Baby is still much too tiny for me to be showing just yet, though.

I have yet to make the chalkboard. I’m still hesitant to. It’s hard to explain why. I think until I can feel the baby moving and see my belly growing, this pregnancy isn’t going to feel very real. At least once a day I worry about what could go wrong. I check for signs of an impending miscarriage. I hesitate to look at nursery ideas or obsess over names just yet. Part of me is still nervous that all of this could be taken away any day now. I know that I should try to stay positive, but sometimes those worries creep up on me before I have a chance to.

I do realize that the chances of us losing this little one are fairly slim at this point. After seeing a heartbeat, miscarriage risk decreases drastically. We have felt confident enough to tell a select few people what’s going on. After all, I can only refuse a glass of wine so many times before friends and family get suspicious. We’re most likely going to tell our close friends and families within the next two weeks. We’ll wait until the second trimester for the big reveal.

We are both so excited to share this amazing journey with all of you. Thank you for your love and support – I don’t know what we would do without it. Until the next pregnancy post, enjoy our baby’s very first picture!

~Secret~ Pregnancy Post: 6 Weeks

I’m officially 6 weeks pregnant! I’m still feeling pretty good so far. I have some nausea here and there, but nothing major. My chest is still very tender. I’m definitely peeing more, too! That could have something to do with my increased water intake. I read that pregnant women need on average 8-10 glasses of water a day, so bottoms up! I haven’t had any weird cravings or food aversions yet. I do feel like I can smell things others don’t notice, though. Luckily, my skin hasn’t broken out yet – knock on wood.

I went to the doctor back at home in Pennsylvania. At my first appointment, they just weighed me, took my blood pressure, checked my temperature, took a urine sample, and swabbed for a few cultures. Nothing too exciting really. I did tell the nurse about how when I do feel something, it seems to be on the right side. She felt around and reassured me that there were no signs of an ectopic pregnancy. I was so relieved! She told me to take a calcium supplement, definitely keep taking prenatal vitamins, and to watch my diet. While she wasn’t overly concerned with my current weight, I was (and still am). I know that I’m heavier than I should be.

This past year has been kinda rough for me. I went from working two jobs, going to school, working out for the wedding, the arrival of my sweet nephew, marrying Kyle….to having a miscarriage, moving across the country away from our families, and dealing with an intense deployment workup. I have gained a lot more than I thought I did. I know it’s from depression and stress. I went from being a fairly active, happy person to someone who hardly left the couch and cried all the time. I missed being pregnant, I missed my family, I missed my husband (that workup kept him away for up to a full month at a time). Things are better now. We’ve already tackled the first month of this deployment. I’m back at home, surrounded by my family. I cautiously excited for this pregnancy and the arrival of this baby. I know I have a lot of work to do. I need to be more active. I’ve been making an effort to walk Milo every evening for 30-45 minutes. At least that’s a start! I’m hoping to go to the gym with my sister from time to time, as well.

I’ve been thinking about making my own chalkboard so I can do bump updates later on in my pregnancy. With Kyle overseas for the majority of it, I want to be able to document the changes and so I can share it with him. I do think I’m going to wait until I see a heartbeat, though. I’m so hesitant to get my hopes up. I go for blood work soon to check my hCG levels. If they’re high enough, then I’ll go in for an ultrasound towards the end of my seventh week.

Our baby is the size of a sweet pea. His* primitive little heart is already beating, too! By the time I go in for the ultrasound, he’ll be the size of a blueberry. Hang in there, baby!

*Obviously there is no way we could know the gender at this time. Rather than saying ‘it’ or ‘the baby’ every single time, I’ll probably switch back and forth between ‘his’ and ‘hers’. Once we find out the gender, we’ll let everyone know!

~Secret~ Pregnancy Post: 4 Weeks

If you’re reading this, it means we have officially heard Baby D’s heartbeat! Kyle and I both agreed we wanted to wait until hearing that beautiful little sound before sharing the news with everyone. I’m going to be making a post every two weeks or so. I want to document my pregnancy, not only for myself, but for our friends and family that are far away. Although I’m writing each post as I hit each milestone, I won’t be sharing the posts until after we have heard our baby’s heartbeat. I’ll share how I’ve been feeling, any baby updates, and maybe baby bump shots.

I’m officially 4 weeks pregnant! I’m starting to feel some of the same symptoms I had before – fatigue, tenderness in my chest, and some occasional (very) mild nausea. I haven’t had any cramping or spotting yet. No cravings or food aversions. I’ve scheduled my first doctor’s appointment. The waiting is KILLING me. I take a new dollar store/cheapie test every morning to make sure that second pink line still shows up. I’m so excited, but also absolutely terrified. I really hope this little baby decides to stick around. The fear of having another pregnancy end in miscarriage is very real for me. We had no warning the last time. We went in to hear a heartbeat and there simply wasn’t one. I hadn’t had any spotting or cramping at all. All the symptoms I had been experiencing were still present. Our baby had just stopped growing for reasons we will never know.

We had been trying for another baby since our miscarriage in August. With each passing month, I grew more and more discouraged. Ever since I can remember, not being able to have children has been a huge concern of mine. I used to have nightmares before I even met Kyle about finding out I would never be a mother. I had all but given up any hope of getting pregnant before Kyle’s deployment.

I took a test on April 11th, only to get a negative. On the phone with Kyle that night, I was bitter and angry. I cried a lot and eventually fell asleep. I hadn’t even missed my period yet, so I’m not sure what possessed me to take that test. I still wasn’t due to get my period for another three days. For some reason, I took another test the next morning. Much to my surprise, the faintest of faint pink lines appeared. I obsessed over it all day, searching the internet for any information I could find. Was it an evaporation line? Was an evaporation line possible with pink dye? How common are false negatives? I went to the store and bought more tests, including a digital one. I decided to take another FRER (First Response Early Response) in the morning. If that showed two pink lines, I would take a digital to confirm.

The next morning, I sat on my bathroom floor with shaking hands and two very positive tests in front of me. There was no denying the digital ‘Pregnant, 1-2 weeks’. I still hadn’t missed my period. It was due the next day. I wanted medical professionals to confirm that I was actually pregnant and not just crazy. I called base medical and went in for a test. Of course it came back negative; it was way too early. They reassured me, saying that the tests that they have are actually less sensitive than the ones available to take at home. They told me to come back in a week. I video chatted Kyle that night. I had every intention of making a sickeningly sweet care package announcing that we were pregnant and sending it to him. However, we all know that there is no way I could wait that long to share the news. When he asked me what I did that day, I held up the positive digital test and said, “Well, I peed on this…”…and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I told my husband he was going to be a father. Bravo, Amanda. We both agreed to keep the news quiet until we had heard a heartbeat.

I haven’t gone back in to have another test run yet. My daily tests are still coming up positive for now. I’ll go in on Wednesday. Until then, I’ll obsess over every tiny sensation and symptom. I’ll say a lot of prayers. I’ll take prenatals and eat as healthy as I can. I won’t feel guilty about napping often and sleeping in. I’ll go for walks with Milo and soak up the California sun. Our baby is only the size of a tomato seed, but he or she has my whole heart.

Hang in there, little tiny baby. We can’t wait to meet you!

Time Flies By

I cannot believe that Kyle has been gone for two months. It feels like yesterday that I was standing there in the dirt, holding back the tears while I watched those white buses drive away with my husband. I remember walking back across the street to our car, telling myself I was not allowed to cry until I was home. The key wouldn’t turn in the ignition. While trying to frantically get the car to start, I managed to set off the alarm. I wanted to throw up. Instead, I got out and asked one of the marines standing around in the parking lot to please help me start my car. He looked at me like I was insane, but he did help me. I made it back to the house, through the door, and into our foyer before I lost it. I ugly cried until I finally passed out. I slept a couple hours, waking up to talk to Kyle when he was able to connect to wifi throughout his travels. The first month seemed to drag on and on.

I was still living in our home in Twentynine Palms for the first month. Milo and I went on a lot of walks. I babysat a couple times for some friends. I did a lot of cleaning and organizing. I purged some of the junk that we had accumulated over the past several months. I cancelled our cable and cut back on other expenses to help us save up during this deployment. I also enjoyed sleeping in and not having to cook for anyone but myself. Some nights I had cereal, other nights I enjoyed a grilled cheese. It was a nice break from meal planning and elaborate dinners.

Flying home with Milo was probably the most stressful experience of my year to date – aside from saying goodbye to Kyle. I couldn’t sleep at all the night before. My head was completely clouded by horror stories of missing or injured (or worse) pets.  In the end, it was a pretty painless endeavor. My friend Steph stayed with me at the airport all the way up to security. Thank goodness for her help – I don’t know how I could have managed without her! Milo didn’t make a single peep the entire day. We arrived safely in Pennsylvania without hitting any crazy road bumps. If I remember correctly, I think Milo may have peed all over my parents’ kitchen floor out of sheer excitement. Considering how many other things could have gone wrong that day, I’ll take a lake of puppy pee any day.

For my first month at home, I mainly focused on soaking up as much family time as I possibly could. My beautiful cousin Jen got married to her high school sweetheart. My dad celebrated a birthday. Our little flower girl Mia (my youngest cousin) had her first holy communion. Our nephew Paul David is slowly warming up to me. He no longer cries when I pick him up, so I’m calling that progress. I’ve visited and reconnected with some friends, too. Our little Milo also turned one! I made him special doggie cupcakes to celebrate (which he inhaled in one bite, much to my horror). I’ve been able to talk to Kyle in some way every single day that he has been gone – either through Facebook messenger or over the phone. We have been so blessed.

I have also recently started working as a receptionist at Avanté on Main! I am so glad to have something to keep me busy! I hated not working for this past year. In late June, I’ll also be nannying for the same family I worked for before getting married. I am so excited to spend time with the boys again! I’m enjoying my free-time now, because later this summer I won’t have much of it!

I’m looking forward to squeezing in some beach trips, summer reading, and more during my time in my hometown. I don’t know when I’ll ever be back here for such a long stretch again. I’m hoping to make the most of it!