Not going to lie to you guys…Thursday night was ugly. We found out that the date we had for Kyle’s departure was a week off. In the blink of an eye, the days we have left together dropped by seven. I know it sounds silly. What’s one week in the grand scheme of things? After all, it means he’ll be back that much sooner, right? All I could think about was that one less weekend together and the seven nights I would be going to bed without him. I panicked. I cried so hard and for so long that I gave myself a headache that lasted into the next morning.
On Good Friday, I woke up and saw Kyle off. Knowing he would be back shortly after PT, I started breakfast. We had a company-wide family day to attend at 11, followed by my driving test at 2. I was so anxious about going to the DMV, I was able to momentarily put deployment anxiety on the back burner. Family day was a nice distraction. We met Kyle’s sergeant’s wife for the first time and talked with friends for a few hours. Soon enough, it was time to go take the dreaded test. In the end, I did really well! The instructor only docked me on four minor things (like going 27mph in a 25mph zone). She was very kind and so understanding throughout the entire process. I told her I was nervous, so she talked to me about random things the whole time. It helped that California doesn’t require parallel parking, too! After almost five years of having a learner’s permit, I am finally a licensed driver!
That night, we decided to have some friends over for dinner. After dessert, we watched the Passion of the Christ. Watching that movie never fails to leave me in a blubbering emotional puddle. Whatever I’m dealing with in my own life pales in comparison to Christ’s sacrifice. It’s hard to feel sorry for myself while watching Roman soldiers scourge the son of God. It’s hard to question why we lost our baby when Mary raised Jesus from birth only to watch him die on the cross. Before he took his last breath, Jesus said, “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit.” In the Bible, we read in 1 Peter 5:6-8, “humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
Jesus trusted in God, even while bearing his cross, bloodied and beaten, all the way to Calvary. Mary trusted in God, even while listening to Pontius Pilate sentence her only son to death. Followers of Christ listened to the crowds shout for Barabbas to be freed, and still they trusted in God. Surely if they could witness such horrors and still believe in God’s grace, we, too, can trust in Him. Every time I catch myself worrying about the deployment, lamenting our struggle to have a baby, or stressing about life in general, I need to make a more conscious effort to offer up my worries to God. My trials and tribulations seem small when compared to His sacrifices for us.
So, into His hands will I commend my anxieties. I refuse to be consumed by them. After all, the Easter season has just begun! We should be rejoicing! Jesus is risen! God is among us. He sees our suffering and our sin and loves us still. Despite our flaws and imperfections, He has not abandoned us or forsaken us. Isn’t that something to smile about?